I just work and work and get fuck all done. How can it be taking me this long to write a lecture? Why did the editor of the journal that I worked my ass off for all last week snap at me today when I told her I needed to wrap up our two and a quarter hour long meeting? Because she's really not very nice, that's why. I have an advisory session next week and I have written nothing since my last advisory session which was in January. I don't know how I'm going to explain my way out of that one. I suppose I'll just have to work like a mo'fo' between now and then to have something to show the grown-ups. I am covered in spots. Like covered. My fringe was all in my eyes but I didn't have time to go to the hairdresser, so I cut it myself and now it looks ridiculous. The second keynote speaker for the symposium I'm organizing expressed his interest then neglected to confirm his attendance and I keep getting his out-of-office when I e-mail him. I am tired. I am cranky. I am frustrated. I am a PhD student.
My lover is coming tomorrow. I'll probably end up being horrible to him and then he wont love me any more. Or else he'll see my spots and fringe and shrink from my hideousness.
I saw Watchmen. It wasn't as good as it should have been, but it wasn't as bad as the purists make out. I enjoyed it, not as much as I enjoyed the book, but I enjoyed it.
On Saturday morning I bought myself flowers from Tesco. When I got home I had the house to myself. I went out into the garden and cut a few camelias. I came back inside and put on some music. I took all the flowers out of their wrapping and removed the greenery I didn't want. I chewed or snipped the stem ends so they would drink up all their plant food and stay beautiful for longer. I made two arrangements. I took my time. I made one in a patterned ceramic jug. I matched the shades of the flowers to the pattern on the jug. I put long stiff delicately flowering pink and purple stalks at the back, bulked up the front with yellows, whites and greens, and allowed the camelia's to curl, pretty, pink and petally, out from the sides. It flowed. I don't think I've ever made a lovelier flower arrangement. The second one was more sparse and unusual. I used thick juicy stemmed flowers. They wouldn't all fit it a vase, so I used a pint glass, which allowed them to spread out. I built the whole thing up around greens in the middle. I made a circle of tall purple flowers around that, then punked the ordered elegance with a spray of yellow carnations, a large dyed pink daisy and one small headed skinny rose. I put the arrangements in the sitting room, the one in the jug beside the fireplace, and the one in the pint glass beside the television. Every time I looked at them they made me happy.
When I got home last night I found that Fi, thinking to herself 'these should go in a vase, not a pint glass, oh look they don't fit in a vase, I'll take half of them out then' had taken everything except the purple flowers from the first arrangement. She put the purple flowers in a tall vase, then she shoved the other flowers in on top of the first arrangement, squishing it all into awkward clumsy ugliness. I nearly cried. I genuinely nearly cried.
Current Music: Raaaaaaa